You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
