She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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