He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
