the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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