We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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