12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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