The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
