I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dick very happy bro
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
