and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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