my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
