P.S. I can't hear my feet
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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