God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
