First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
