if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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