He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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