I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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