An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize