Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
