I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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