I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
