I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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