Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
