Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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