I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
