Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she woke up with a sticky ear
dude i'm inner monologue high
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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