My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
