How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
