Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
