I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
