i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
