from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
