Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
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Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
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I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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