I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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