she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
