I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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