I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
