In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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