I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Congratulations! We have a period
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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