O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
