i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
