Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
