Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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