Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
