Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
