our cab driver is having phone sex.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
