I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
