He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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