dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
