Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
