also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
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You're earring is so big in my mouth
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
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We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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