everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
