you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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