i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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