On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
