Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
