U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
