I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
