Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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