all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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