I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
