we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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