Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i was born a porn star she said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
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