no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
