Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
