i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
