no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
