let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
