I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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