Got a toothbrush?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
