I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
