Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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