I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
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