I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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